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Dec. 17th, 2009

dream big!

it's been a long time

wow, 4 months since i posted. i have lots to say but it's like cleaning your entire house after a life of not, almost an insurmountable task

the quick and dirty then:

I am living in Boston (medford actually) and love my roommates. the jobs are a bit questionable, but eh, i have 2 and money to live on.

i am working out a lot, have a new trainer, and am seeing results. I want to push past my last fitness milestone and go for a marathon this year, and a triathalon too. :)

i'm starting grad school, but with trepidation. really just want to be a dietian and trainer. my dream is not dead!

there is a boy, and he is lovely, but i've only been seeing him 2 weeks, so rreallyyyyyy there is so much unknown.....

Aug. 26th, 2009

dream big!

there is so much

20 weeks is a long time, I tried another blog, I'm sorry l_j

So in 7 days I'm moving away from Edinburgh. Keep repeating that it isn't forever, and I think once I'm away if I miss it that much I WILL get back here. So much of the last 8 months has been spent in denial that i need to move no, from my fear of change and the unknown.... i hate starting again, or at least i did.

with relationships coming to an end in the uk (some need to, and this is the perfect excuse to not keep in contact) and me going back to the us properly for the first time in 3 years (I was a hermit in 2006, living a very small life online, at the APT, my job, the gym, and WW) I have... realised omething? or it has come to my attention via chats with people that starting over can be a good thing, there will be no baggage from my life... if I don't want it. I can tell people what I like and not have it questioned like I it is here, I can just be 'fit liz' with no 'fat liz' questions.

When I came to Edinburgh, I wanted to challenge myself and change.... I did that, so now I want to move on and be the new me fully....

Apr. 4th, 2009


(no subject)

man, it's been awhile.

let's see, since I last updated I put on weight over christmas. truth i had put on some before christmas, but the three weeks home fucked me up. Hormone levels in serious flux, and for what? well, nothing it turns out. Haven't seen him in 3 weeks, can't be bothered and it was getting unhealthy.

Well, I am/was being unhealthy. Family issues rear their ugly heads and I put myself through the same thing again and again.

The low down
-i am working on getting a new job/another job as my current position is really shit and they are cutting our hours. fuck
-i have signed up for couseling, i have mommy issues. and issues with myself that i want to work out before....
-moving back to america. i don't want to! said in a 5 year old voice. and i don't want to do this degree. there, i said it. i don't like this job. i want to be a sweaty gym rat for the rest of my life. not a cad monkey. so i will become a trainer/gym worker. somehow. i will. even if i do go back and get my masters i will get qualified as well for my sanity.
-stop trying to please certain people in my life. they don't stop their dreams for me, i should not expect that. the other side of that is that i can also do WHAT I WANT!
-try to lose the 5kg i put on over December-January and have kept. Hopefully as I fix the physical and emotional problems the working out and eating will realign to what I had.

-visiting dom over easter next weekend
-caledonian challenge in june (must raise £500!)
-julia coming to visit (this is nice and lovely, apart from I'm sick of defending myself to 'the family'. if they don't like my life, i don't ask them to live it, but respect it and stop talking about it in a derogatory way! fuck off. )

new ipod mixes that kick ass are making me happppppppppy.

I will try to update more frequently that every 3 months. Really. Just got out of the habit and then life sort of snowballed and I went to the dark place. I feel brighter and it's sunny now in edinburgh. :)
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Dec. 22nd, 2008

dream big!

(no subject)

I'm stranded in new york, this is the first time the weather has delayed my return home! I'm impressed and really upset.

went to the doctors on friday and get a new pill, hopefully it will be better..... right now i still feel eeurgh about my self.... the 6 pounds on my body is not making me happy. over the looooong holiday home my goal is not put on weight, and work out 5 days a week, totally doable. might run on a 6th day, but i don't want to go crazy. so not too much alcohol or cookies or cakes. this resolution is going well as last night i ordered a burger and fries take away from the only plac that delivered to the hotel and took credit cards.... it was tasty. mmmmmm. in fact, might have a shower and do some plyometrics now. lack of clothing is a little odd. i'm hanging out naked as all my clothes needed to air out. that's right, i'm going to be a little smelly tomorrow.

saw ewan friday, it was so much fun! why can't i find that with someone who wants to spend time with me and me with them? i'm tired of being alone..... attempting to not get my heart crushed by him. focus on the amazing! argh. okay, i'm geting up now, and have to charge the laptop before it dies.

oh, note....

going to visit the architecture school in boston while home, even though the thought makes me want to puke. i want to do nutrition! and help people! buildings are not my *passion*, they are something i can do. woooooo, not.

thank god for free wireless internet! :) merry christmas to you all if i don't update before then.

Dec. 18th, 2008

Just take my fucking picture

(no subject)

taking a certain medication has made me an emotional wreck, exaserbated the weight i was putting on, and caused me to feel insane.

I feel out of control and lost and alone and I HATE IT.

Nov. 30th, 2008


a massive update attempt

Okay, so I have yet to properly update on my life in any detail for some time. Here goes...

Since august, I've been seeing a guy, E, for one thing. sex. it started on the first date, and we have just continued. He is the real reason I dumped john. And I didn't see him for 3 weeks when I thought I might have been pregnant and had started seeing maths boy. That didn't wrk out, but that was because I saw ewan again and was not interested in sleeping with anyone else. I really would be happy if I could sleep with E more than once a week i would be really happy...

last night he came over late and drunk and this morning we had a little chat about what we're doing. His comment was that he is not good at realationships, and is both a liability and an asset (his words, not mine). But that he's not seeing anyone else and likes me. thinks i'm lovely. don't think he would llike it if i was seeing anyone else, but isn't my boyfriend. i did not lie to him, he is the only person i have slept with since august... he's the longest relationship ever! and it's totally not! we see each other at the weekends at night (drunk booty calls) but in the morning it's so good. 2 weeks ago i had the best sex of my life (not hard) and it was just amazing. mmmmmmm. all morals have flown out the window.

so, i am sleeping with aguy who is shit at relationships, but really likes having sex. with me. and i love having sex with him. i love that he is so up for it.

sorry if you didn't want to know all that, but i can't stop telling my friends. i have to talk about it, it's so exciting to me. sex sex sex.

the job is boring, i am tired and can't wait to go away for 3 weeks. i sometimes love learning so much about the process of architecture, but there is not enough teaching at work... you are just left alone to muddle through. i survived the redundancy cuts, feel positive about my job, but wish for more inspiring projects.

christmas is coming, i am broke, so everyone is getting baked goods or little gifts that i can afford. christmas lite.

Thing is, if my parents don't offer to get me some winter clothes and running gear i will be in trouble this winter. never have i been so cold in winter. my hands and feet are freezing. i know that the weight los has contributed, but seriously! freezing all the time. all the time. i'm wearing 3 layers right now and still chilllllllllly!

going home for three weeks, hope it will be okay. i feel like i can remain in control as long as i join the gym and work out 5 days a week. i need to have a new goal, or i will lose the plot. my workouts recently have been hard to complete and my food is either super good or totally shit. trying to reset myself to not binge on the weekends, and it's going alright. i think the lack of money will help, can't afford to buy lots of shit, only things to fuel myself well. we'll see....

trying to get the running back, the cold and dark are playing with my moods as well.

what else? I feel busy busy till i go home, and hope i have enough time to get everything done.

mmmmmm, i will try to update further tomorrow at work, or again in the evening. but there you go for part of what is going on. :)

Nov. 19th, 2008

dream big!

(no subject)

so i went up, but man i have been uber stressed. too much to write. but i feel lucky i didn't put on more...

dumped d tonight, wasn't interested anymore, feel much better. :)

will blog about other stuff later!!!!!!!!!!!! soon

Oct. 27th, 2008

dream big!


oh, my new 'goal' is 147, but the ideal is 140. now the 4 people who read this and give a shite, i need a goal to work towards or i will get complacent. so choosing something that i can focus on is what will keep me at my weight range. otherwise we will have a repeat of august where i put on 7 pounds. yuck!

So I have this great news from the trainer, I am the lowest he's ever weighted me. what do I do? proceed to eat a mini loaf of soda bread, halloween candy, and fish pie with bread and cheese and wine for dinner. then came back and had more food late at night. I was back on track sunday, but honestly, I felt all crampy saturday and for what??? food is not a reward, a massage is! guh, I now have to work really hard this week at the gym to combat my massive calorie intake.

in other news: there is a boy, and we like him, and that's all i'm writing right now ;) just made curry, he's coming over to eat squash on wednesday. and i'm going to make him watch the departed because he's never seen it!

I'm looking at colleges and universities next year, going to apply over here to the eca, strathclyde, and the glasgow school of art. back home, I want to apply to the boston architectural centre, the university of maryland, and a school in california.... i think that is enough. Oh, a place in NYC! for sure. :) :) :)

I'm trying to remain positive and productive at work, but honestly i feel out of my depth sometimes and my deadlines are always on top of one another, then i havbe nothing to do for 2 days. we girls in the office have started to hang out together, it's nice.

Friday is halloween, I'm the statue of liberty. making a crown and torch tomorrow night. going to get tights, green bra and body paint tomorrow at lunch. It's going to be immense. Punk P and I are going to see james bond at the cinema in our costumes. i know you're jealous!

Alright, i'm off to update

Oct. 13th, 2008

dream big!

same shit, different day.

Sweet! Of course, i proceeded to carbo load to the point of disgust the rest of the day..... which totally contradicts what I am doing!!!!! I frustrate myself. back on track today and yesterday. The new non snack elizabeth at work is doing well, and I still have yet to have caffine..... whoa. And ran for 28 minutes sunday! lalalalalalala going to run for 35 tomorrow, i'm running on the treadmill to control the surface. it's not tooooo boring.

I miss my friends. it is depressing. I feel like I can't talk to shoko freely when sam sam is around. is that odd? We are going to see a movie together wednesday, I will be rushing about beforehand to get to body blitz class and back. At least my nights are busy, even if it is with just my own workouts that i give to myself.

and at work they've cancelled overtime, the water service, and the cleaner. As long as I atill have my job, I'm happy. Think I'll start going in early just because. I'm awake anyway, and aas long as I don't need to work out in the am, I can get in at least a half hour early and hopefully show that I am a hard worker.... :S

Oct. 7th, 2008

dream big!

(no subject)

and the chart thing, woooooooooo.
My Weight Chart:
Weight Chart

I am sorting out my life. Thinking about university courses next year, part time in america so I can afford to work and study and live outside the family home.

The lack of running is getting there, I have routines and plans for the gym that keep me challenged and I have started jogging again! 15 minutes saturday and 20 minutes this morning. My foot feels fine, it's the legs and hip flexors that are not used to it. So it will be at least a month of slowly working up to a decent time out running and then working on my distance again. Running will be used as a stress reliever and a supplement to the gym workouts, not the other way around. But I think this is the final piece to the puzzle to get my weight back down to home levels. As the ticker shows it is getting better.

The trainer put me on a detox last week and that definitely helped. I have not had caffeine for over a week. I sometimes think about going on a massive binge, but i know it won't taste as nice as my memories, so I resist.

My dad is getting me a flight back, thank god! I can't afford to get one right now. My credit card is going to be paid off in.... 6 months? i was an idiot with it and so have banned it's use. Going to apply for another purely to transfer the balance so I can not pay interest. clever me, woo. just means living on my little budget for a few months. just need to focus on what i need to get back into university and keep working hard at my job so that i don't get made redundant. That is a MASSIVE worry for me. everyday the news is all about money money money, banks banks banks. :S

alright, that's all for now, a boy update will be for another day. ;)

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