the Walls we build don't keep people out

Okay, so I have yet to properly update on my life in any detail for some time. Here goes...

Since august, I've been seeing a guy, E, for one thing. sex. it started on the first date, and we have just continued. He is the real reason I dumped john. And I didn't see him for 3 weeks when I thought I might have been pregnant and had started seeing maths boy. That didn't wrk out, but that was because I saw ewan again and was not interested in sleeping with anyone else. I really would be happy if I could sleep with E more than once a week i would be really happy...

last night he came over late and drunk and this morning we had a little chat about what we're doing. His comment was that he is not good at realationships, and is both a liability and an asset (his words, not mine). But that he's not seeing anyone else and likes me. thinks i'm lovely. don't think he would llike it if i was seeing anyone else, but isn't my boyfriend. i did not lie to him, he is the only person i have slept with since august... he's the longest relationship ever! and it's totally not! we see each other at the weekends at night (drunk booty calls) but in the morning it's so good. 2 weeks ago i had the best sex of my life (not hard) and it was just amazing. mmmmmmm. all morals have flown out the window.

so, i am sleeping with aguy who is shit at relationships, but really likes having sex. with me. and i love having sex with him. i love that he is so up for it.

sorry if you didn't want to know all that, but i can't stop telling my friends. i have to talk about it, it's so exciting to me. sex sex sex.

the job is boring, i am tired and can't wait to go away for 3 weeks. i sometimes love learning so much about the process of architecture, but there is not enough teaching at work... you are just left alone to muddle through. i survived the redundancy cuts, feel positive about my job, but wish for more inspiring projects.

christmas is coming, i am broke, so everyone is getting baked goods or little gifts that i can afford. christmas lite.

Thing is, if my parents don't offer to get me some winter clothes and running gear i will be in trouble this winter. never have i been so cold in winter. my hands and feet are freezing. i know that the weight los has contributed, but seriously! freezing all the time. all the time. i'm wearing 3 layers right now and still chilllllllllly!

going home for three weeks, hope it will be okay. i feel like i can remain in control as long as i join the gym and work out 5 days a week. i need to have a new goal, or i will lose the plot. my workouts recently have been hard to complete and my food is either super good or totally shit. trying to reset myself to not binge on the weekends, and it's going alright. i think the lack of money will help, can't afford to buy lots of shit, only things to fuel myself well. we'll see....

trying to get the running back, the cold and dark are playing with my moods as well.

what else? I feel busy busy till i go home, and hope i have enough time to get everything done.

mmmmmm, i will try to update further tomorrow at work, or again in the evening. but there you go for part of what is going on. :)

I'm suffering from family withdrawls. there is a commercial on here about being together at christmas. stupid me.

oh well. I will have a great time with zoe and her family, and then my sister will be here. I will be fine.

I need a job. for January or the trainer will have to go bu bye. I love going to my sessions and I feel so strong and healthy after. I've lost 8 pounds since starting to see him, but I've got muscles, popping up everywhere! my thighs, my arms, my stomach. if only the fat covering them would go away faster. ach.

My placment is over in 2 days. i'm sad. tomorrow is our office party, joy! I hope it goes well. then that's it really.

off to bed after I fix my cv to send off.

fingers crossed I get a job.

so, this week was fantastic for the whole losing a person jazz, now over 50 pounds gone. I had a meeting with a personal trainer, gonna do that for a month, if the results are good, i'll stick with it, if not, I'll go back to the ww and plug on with that.

i have a week to write this paper, then home !!!!!!!!!! for 5 days of fun and family. I'm excited.

lost my bank card yesterday, feel really dumb. now i have to wait for that to get here, could not have happened at a worst time....oh well.

okay, back to reading....

first, weight loss update, not as good as previous, but still losing!!!





and i am so not going to make it till next week on the money i have, it is a sad state of affairs. Tomorrow I'm going shopping for essentials and hope someone else does a big shop i can steal food from. otherwise, i will be a hungry bunny.

I'm gonna start weights tomorrow, just go do some arm and upper body stuff.

next week i'll start legs, and try to see if that helps with the weight loss and toned jazz.

I miss edinburgh, and am scared that when i go back i'll get fat again. must not happen.

wow, i haven't updated in a month... what has been going on?


Well, still unemployed and feeling down, no money, no other friends, and i have to do uni work. This paper due next week? haven't started it and i find myself sitting for hours doing nothing. I am wracking up all this debt with no way to pay it off. It is so scary that i am ignoring it...

I met a guy and was creeped out, don't want to see him again, not sure how to tell him that...

i want to visit zoe, but no money.

no money



sucks.

my life in a nutshell.